Down, set, Sprint.
\nHey Jack, it’s a fact, everyone’s ready for
\nads discounted way down under the list prices.<\/p>\n
Singing songs of praise for our great nation,
\nincluding, “Buy Books For Our Chain,” here’s
\nMcGraw-Hill.<\/p>\n
And now, please stand for American Idol to sing
\none of our most popular National Anthems “Cars
\nand Hypes.”<\/p>\n
Wow, Jennifer Hudson with the nailed ending. I’m
\nimpressed. No really, I am.<\/p>\n
So GI Joe’s the first biggie. Was that list price?
\nNow I know Avon didn’t pay fullprice, did they?
\nSo now that we’ve finished the Multi-Level-Network-
\nMarketing of Jesus, let’s bork the Superbowl.<\/p>\n
OK, I know Ronald McDonald paid full price. He prolly
\npaid extra to subsidize others, right?<\/p>\n
Joining us in the Superbowl CoinToss General David
\n“I Better Not Dare Say Something That’ll Piss Off
\nBush” Petraeus.<\/p>\n
“Back into the injured area to promote healing,”
\nWho remembers Bob Backlund’s fake backbreak?
\nRemember when he was stretching with that ab
\ncrunchine<\/p>\n
And now Billy Corgan for Edityourown.com
\nCorgan would later claim he is a self-taught
\nHTML coder.<\/p>\n
We could cut down on Bud Light, I mean marketing.<\/p>\n
Angels & Demons, and Audis Oh my.<\/p>\n
So did NBC use Silverlight for their platform on
\nthis? If so, they seem to have worked out all those
\nembarrassing rebufferings happening that other time
\nthey tried it out, you know, the “hesitation blues”
\nemployees there did NOT dare speak of.<\/p>\n
Will i am and Dylan for Everyoung. Pepsi, Everyoung,
\ndrink it and feel good about yourself.<\/p>\n
And don’t forget the coolranch Doritos, right?<\/p>\n
Oh, how poetic. Right when the football got dislodged,
\nso came his contact lens undone. That boy will have
\nto be sidelined for at least 2 or 3 minutes. Keep an
\neye on him.<\/p>\n
Poetic. Hey, whatever happened to that bikinibowl that
\ndanced to a roaring crescendo each time on an alternative
\nchannel? I guess nipple-slips and wardrobe malfunctions
\nare passe now, eh? Nowhere near as exciting as 4 and 5
\nstar generals tossing coins and stuff I guess.<\/p>\n
Yeah, Conan doesn’t do commercials. Not even commercials
\nabout commercials. What does he think he’s Shakespeare??<\/p>\n
Influenced by many, gassed up by none. The all new Toyota
\nVenza. Get it where prices are slashed at least 40% under
\nlist!<\/p>\n
I think I liked you better in pantie.. er, uh, I mean 3d.<\/p>\n
Woah, did you see that play?? The motorcycle skids and
\nwipes out bigtime, the Audi gets away without even a
\nscratch. Such aplomb.<\/p>\n
After these messages we’ll have good snacks.
\nGrean, now Mr Potatohead knocked off his girlfriend’s
\nbig red lips. He shoulda had Bridgestone tires.<\/p>\n
Get even, fast and furious, with Castrol synthetic
\nstuff in a container.<\/p>\n
It’s happening again, the coroner, the yellow tape,
\nthe pictures, Medium looks just like NCIS + 24 +
\nSopranos divided by 3!!!<\/p>\n
We’re back now with Matt Lauer for SNL looking
\nadventure crap. Enjoy the stupidity, and don’t
\nforget to buy popcorn with extra Castrol synthetic
\nstuff poured onto it.<\/p>\n
There’s that doritos commercial I was waiting for.
\nHe turns a cop into a Godaddy commercial.
\nSuddenly I have the urge to renew one of my
\ndomains.<\/p>\n
And now here’s Danica Sue Patrick (born March 25,
\n1982 in Beloit, Wisconsin) for clothing if you feel
\nlike it.<\/p>\n
Hey, who put the howler monkey in the police pants?<\/p>\n
So how many of these ad executives have watched
\nentirely too many episodes of Jackass?<\/p>\n
Maybe you should get a howler monkey.<\/p>\n
Ah, Justin Morgan had a hernia. Raymond James
\nstadium. You can call me Ray, or you can call me
\nJay, or you can call me RayJay, or you can call
\nme Raymond James stadium, but don’t you dare
\nresell naming rights to my Lambardeau, ok?<\/p>\n
Star Trek, Next iteration.<\/p>\n
Mission G. Gatorade looking stuff so you can stick
\nextra electrolytes into your bod. Call me, we’ll
\nsave goldfish and rabbits together.<\/p>\n
Cars.com for everything else there’s Mastercar.<\/p>\n
TWITTER: Any1 else tired of looking at Danica
\nPatrick? Seriously. I never salivate & then go
\nsearch 4 domains anymore. Wait, I never did that
\nanyhow.<\/p>\n
Win one award and suddenly everyone gets your
\nname right. Funday, that’s my Honda.<\/p>\n
ETrade, That’s China.<\/p>\n
Immediately after the first half, drink some
\nSobe and stuff.<\/p>\n
So MC Hammer likes Pittsburgh’s D. He’s twittering
\neveryone all about it.<\/p>\n
Disney Pixar for Etch A Sketch 2.0<\/p>\n
Bud White, with 35% more drunkability, chicks
\ndiggit.<\/p>\n
And now here’s Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner
\nfor H&R Block. Just send us a check as soon as you
\nget a chance, k?<\/p>\n
Ah, the Gatorade Halftime Retort. Give me some cold
\ngooey green radioactive looking stuff, I wanna eat
\nhealthy.<\/p>\n
Eww. The Cheetos thingamabob in front of a generic
\nnon-product-placement starbucks-looking thing.<\/p>\n
And now here’s Paula Abdul for Pitch Correction,
\nSobe and Chuck in 3D.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Down, set, Sprint. Hey Jack, it’s a fact, everyone’s ready for ads discounted way down under the list prices. Singing songs of praise for our great nation, including, “Buy Books For Our Chain,” here’s McGraw-Hill. And now, please stand for American Idol to sing one of our most popular National Anthems “Cars and Hypes.” Wow, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-326","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=326"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":328,"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/326\/revisions\/328"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=326"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=326"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/muffinbottoms.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=326"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}