Humor « Muffin Bottoms

06/14/2010

Open Letter To NLON CG About BP Disaster Recovery

Filed under: Academic,Humor,Mundane Or Sublime — admin @ 11:49 am

Hi there,
Could you pass this along to NLON Coast Guard, or perhaps get me the address for the suggestions? My idea is to dump many sunflower seeds onto the biggest pudding textures of the oil on the surface of the water. They’re likely to soak up not just the surface oils but also soak up a whole bunch from underneath untilÂ complete saturation.

Then use technologies you already have to scoop up tons of the filled up sunflower seeds.

And lastly you cold-press the little buggers like they were so many olives and the juice you’ll have will be a new invention of bio-diesel you’ll have helped me invent. A hybrid half “dino-diesel” half veggie oil that won’t blow up engines, never needs a preheat, and doesn’t pollute too much.

Trademark it before me just because I’m middle-class and I’ll kick your ass.

J/K, you can have it Pro-Bono as my next gift to society.

Sincerely,
Marco

Comments Off

03/22/2010

Sometimes You War; Sometimes You Dialogue; Sometimes You Do Both.

Filed under: Academic,Food,Humor,Mundane Or Sublime,Music and Stuff,News,Sports,Uncategorized — admin @ 7:26 am

“Sometimes it’s a good day to die, sometimes it’s a good day to have breakfast.” — Thomas Builds-the-Fire

College teacher Julie Jennings conveys the following breaking news:

“The 3-20-10 Providence Protest has sparked a dialogue with the game’s publisher. The game-maker is starting to consider Native pre-testing of the game. Julie Jennings would like the game-maker to be invited to present to the Rhode Island Indian Council. His letter will be printed soon and he (B. Youse, a corporate owner no doubt) can be reached at byouse@cablespeed.com ”

RE: King Philip’s War role playing game.
Company Name: Multi-man Publishing.

My Opinion:

Awesome. Maybe he’ll allow a hefty portion of the outside panels of the box be words from elders of many tribes saying how they feel and strongly suggesting people learn more about not just Metacomet and Massasoit but find out more about each and every river name and street and town name. Heck there can be explanations that there are always more than one story that make up history at any time, and near the UPC label there could be a coupon for 5 bucks off at the Mashantucket Pequot Museum and Research center. And maybe he’ll give a buck or two from each purchase to children in Haiti and Pine Ridge.

And how about a booklet listing NDN bands, artists, actors, songwriters, movie makers and all kinds of other talented people both contemporary and old.

There should be a separate booklet showing the facts that the original 13 colonies only succeeded in driving England out because native american boys were such skilled harpooners, lancers, swimmers, helmsmen and tacticians.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=36LO_zmTGOU

I demand somewhere on the box be placed the quote that almost got John Ledyard jr. kicked out of Dartmouth where he wrote in a bluebook that he felt Uncas should be placed right up there with Darwin or Isaac Newton for his grasp of science, technology tactics and domestic and nation to nation concerns.

OK I better stop ranting or this will get too long. Let me just say that all represents how I feel so far. I don’t want this box to see light of day but if it must, this is some of the treatment I believe it should be given from beginning to end.
http://www.projo.com/news/content/INDIAN_WAR_GAME_03-15-10_46HKPR8_v28.3a62f30.html

Comments Off

12/16/2009

Who Remembers When G-d Supposedly Said He’d Strike Oral Roberts Dead??

Filed under: Academic,Food,Humor,Mundane Or Sublime,OpEd,Tech — admin @ 4:24 am

Who remembers when Oral Roberts said he needed to raise a certain amount of millions or G-d was going to strike him dead?

And Who remembers when he claimed he met G-d near a burning bush and was told he had a stay of execution and had until February instead to raise the last million or two that he was short.

I am not bringing this up just to run a dirty old rotten scoundrel through the mud even more immediately after he actually died.

Mostly I’m bringing it up because you might have forgotten.

I will never judge him, and since I didn’t even send him 35 cents, it was easy to forgive him; but I will never forget.

And I aim to make sure you don’t either.

Surely the most famous of all the Lord’s speaking to Charismatics is the famous, “Oral Roberts Death Threat Prophecy” a preposterous and fabricated supposed “Word from the Lord.” Roberts told his nationwide audience in 1987 that God had threatened to call him home if he couldn’t raise 8 million dollars by his creditor’s deadline. Whether or how that threat might have been carried out the world will never know because Roberts received a last minute reprieve in the form of a large check from a Florida dog track owner, as you remember. Two years later when Roberts was forced to close his massive, multi-million dollar City of Faith Medical Center anyway, in spite of the 8 million dollars, he asked God, “Why?” And Oral Roberts said God spoke to him and God said,

“I had you build the City of Faith large enough to capture the imagination of the entire world, about the merging of My healing streams of Prayer and Medicine. I did not want this revelation localized in Tulsa, however, and the time has come when I want this concept of merging My healing streams to be known to all people and to go into all future generations.” So said God. Roberts said, “It is clearly in my spirit, as I have ever heard Him, the Lord gave me an impression, ‘You and your partners have merged prayer and medicine for the entire world, for the Church World and for all generations.’ And then He said, ‘It is done.’ And then I asked, ‘Is that why after eight years you are having us close the hospital and after eleven years the medical school?’ And God said, ‘Yes, the mission has been accomplished in the same way that after three years of public ministry, my Son said on the cross, Father, it is finished!'”

[ref]=[ http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/articles/index.php?view=article&aid=2178 ]

Comments Off

10/07/2009

Two High Points From My Time At The NAMMYS This Year.

Filed under: Humor,Music and Stuff — admin @ 1:15 pm

There were many high points at this year’s Nammys.Â (11th annual, at Seneca Niagara casino)

Here go just two. And both take place in the elevators, believe it or not. First was riding the elevator with the late Ritchie Valens’ brother Mario and his sister Irma, and two little girls who didn’t know any of us. Mario and Irma got off a few floors earlier than I did and I asked the two little girls if they knew who they were. They didn’t. So I told them, and they had this look like they had no idea what I was talking about.

“Have you heard the song LaBamba?” I asked. One said yes, and the other said no. Keep in mind now, these girls are about 11. The song hit the top40 51 years ago. Anyhew, it was neat being able to tell them something new about some old music they’d never heard much about.

Second profound thing was trading earrings. The elevator was crammed full this time. Some guy I’d never met before points to one of my earrings and asks me if I know who made it. There are some earrings I’ve simply bought and had no idea who made them, but this was one of the many ones that come with a story. “Tall Dog Monroe,” I tell him, “out at Narragansett not that far from Pawtucket where my dad grew up.”

“Wanna trade?” he jokes, showing his earring which was similar in size. Turquoise in a silver setting. Mine was wampum with some very clear whites and purples set in silver. Hmm, I think to myself. I’m not getting the better deal, but the experience might make the trade worthwhile, eh?

So right in front of about 15 people I shock him by ending the shared laughter with, “yeah, sure.” He asks if I’m serious and I take mine out and hand it to him. He takes out his and makes the trade. We each go our separate ways having traded something at the 11th annual NAMMYS.

Pictured are Yaqui classical guitarist Gabriel Ayala and Flamenco dancer Rose Fernandez.

See this video short (and others) from this year’s NAMMYS at http://www.makingyoutubes.com

Comments Off

09/12/2009

Small Brained Politics.

Filed under: Humor,Mundane Or Sublime,OpEd,Tech — admin @ 5:14 am

OK, healthcare discourse on Capitol Hill has left the realm of feisty and sailing into contentious, meanspirited, nasty and simple bad form.

While President Obama was addressing Congress, Senator Joe Wilson threw a tantrum that I thought was hurtful and actually demeaning to the wider base of his own party. Honestly, his outburst there hurt my feelings as an American. We are not just a bunch of yahoos frothing at the mouth, I promise. Who voted Wilson? What pretenses did win on? I’m sure if he shook hands all over his state promising to jump up and down flailing his arms around acting like Jim Carrey in “Dumb and Dumber” they probably would have voted the other guy.

Who remembers when Oliver North ran for office? Embarrassed Marines organized nationally around who could buy a house in Virginia quick enough to vote against him. People who owned a property there but had residency somewhere else inquired about switching in time as well.

Perhaps a similar migration into Wilson’s South Carolina district is in order, ousting this fringe lunatic at his very next reelection bid. Actually, I think he’s campaigning already: for whoever else wants the position. Did you know he’s on the House Armed Services Committee, the Subcommittee on Military Personnel, the Committee on Education and Labor, and the Committee on Foreign Affairs? Again I must ask difficult questions such as “how on Earth did he get his colleagues to give him these positions?” I know for a fact he didn’t say “appoint me and I’ll wiggle around in my seat fidgeting and yelling silly stuff.”

I must not just pick on Wilson; he represents reaction in assuming that many mainstream Americans support him as such. This didn’t come out of nowhere.

Imagine for a moment you are a grade school child in Wilson’s congressional district (or anywhere for that matter) and your parent just told you you’ll be missing school tomorrow because they refuse to let you watch or discuss President Obama’s address to a chosen grade school. Or imagine if you’re in the grade school where he will speak. You’re disallowed from meeting him? Imagine looking back to a time when your parent stood up in a Joe Courtney or Chris Dodd town hall meeting and yelled out obnoxious things at the top of their lungs?Â I thank G-d every day my mom & late father (both Republicans) lacked hatred/fear & taught me to think for myself. This hybrid of hateful Republicans is like a bad segment from Mike Judge’s movie “Idiocracy.”

Comments Off

05/19/2009

Fox pilot entitled ‘Glee’ a smash hit in realtime!!!

Filed under: Food,Humor,Music and Stuff — admin @ 7:59 pm

Â· Yay, I found one (count ’em 1) person who hated #glee : @miffthefox18 minutes ago from web

Â· @ncmacasl sounds like fox is going to replay it a bunch of times all summer so I think you’re in luck. 🙂20 minutes ago from web in reply to ncmacasl

Â· @DCDiva28 Oh yeah, terry gross. fresh air. that’s right… http://bit.ly/Spx5S enjoy! #glee30 minutes ago from web in reply to DCDiva28

Â· @DCDiva28 NPR yesterday. Lemme see if I can find transcripts and archives. You’re going to “heart” that interview, I think…32 minutes ago from web in reply to DCDiva28

@RachelQuart #glee needs to quit with the Journey though, & I’d like less AutoTune (TM) but other than that I thought it was grrreat!35 minutes ago from web in reply to RachelQuart

Did anyone out there actually dislike #glee ? I soooo wanted to, but was pleasantly surprised.38 minutes ago from web

Â· #glee Don’t think I’ve ever seen a twittersearch topic blow up this much. Brace URself http://www.twittering.org peeps — enough bandwidth?about 1 hour ago from web

Â· The #glee twitter search is blowing up. 590 new entries in the time it takes to write and hit /update/ … oops 61, 188 more results…about 1 hour ago from web

Â· OK I love #glee and I hate #glee I’d say that’s another indication of a critical success, eh?about 1 hour ago from web

Â· “you’re a 9, you need a 10.” Who’s thinking Bend It Like Beckham right about now? funk soul brother… #gleeabout 1 hour ago from web

Â· #glee I don’t know about anyone else but I flinch every time I hear autotune (TM) ok? please make a note of it…about 1 hour ago from web

Â· #glee I coulda done without the prot00lz autotune overproduction ok?about 1 hour ago from web

Â· Ok, this ending to #glee feels like an episode of HBOTime’s Weeds.about 1 hour ago from web

Â· OK, #glee ; underdog, punching sides of beef, climbing ziggurats like Rocky Balboa roaring crescendo, come on… give it to us. 😉about 1 hour ago from web

Â· #glee Watching teens & preteens singing about how they refuse to go to rehab is just surreal, but from the guy who brought us Nip/Tuck.. okabout 1 hour ago from web

Â· @trixieleesam thnxabout 1 hour ago from web in reply to trixieleesam

Â· @DCDiva28 cool. I think it’s a sure thing. Was listening to a 1hr interview with the screenwriter on NPR ystrday. Sounded compelling. #gleeabout 1 hour ago from web in reply to DCDiva28

Â· #glee : / D A Bm G / D A F#m G / — Dont stop ghostwritin’ / Hold on to the rights, yeah / Backdoor peopleabout 1 hour ago from web

Â· Dont stop ghostwritin’ / Hold on to the rights, yeah / Backdoor people / D A Bm G / D A F#m G /about 1 hour ago from web

Â· jezuz, #glee is this entire series going to be so that Journey can re-license each and every tired old worn out ghostwritten crap-t00n???about 1 hour ago from web

Â· @DCDiva28 very. I’d watch this weekly I think. #gleeabout 2 hours ago from web in reply to DCDiva28

Â· @DCDiva28 What sux0rs about #glee is if this pilot succeeds, we’re not seeing it again til september! Strange marketing! @Rora_ @allie_88about 2 hours ago from web

Â· @DCDiva28 wait’ll you hear Rehab!about 2 hours ago from web in reply to DCDiva28

Â· @DCDiva28 Aglee. Er Uh, Er, I mean Agree. 😛about 2 hours ago from web in reply to DCDiva28

Â· Glee is the name of the show following Amerikan Idle 2nite. It’s a pilot. In case NE1 was wondering…about 2 hours ago from web

Comments Off

05/05/2009

Happy 5th of Mayo!

Filed under: Food,Humor,Music and Stuff — admin @ 2:54 pm

Happy 5th of mayo, everyone…

http://www.folkalley.com/music/peteseeger

http://www.democracynow.org/2006/9/4/we_shall_overcome_an_hour_with Pete Seeger!

http://narcosphere.narconews.com/thefield/seeger-concert-new-york-shall-rise-again

Comments Off

03/26/2009

SCOOP: Ashton Kutcher 2 film his own bodyhair waxing. Will keep U posted.

Filed under: Humor,Mundane Or Sublime,News,Sports — admin @ 9:50 am

SCOOP:

Ashton Kutcher is planning on filming

his own painful chest & bodyhair waxing

4 stickam or liveleak or something.

I’ll keep U posted.

Comments Off

03/23/2009

My Time In The ‘Circus.’

Filed under: Humor,Sports — admin @ 8:30 pm

hahahaha. one morning I wanted to run away and join the circus but then started to put my brown, black, tan and green lipstick all over my face and the rest of my battledress uniform there in a barracks in colorado springs in the army, looked in the mirror and realized I was already in.

Comments Off